Peace I Sold For Bread

Shhhhhh…

I’m looking for it.

It’s in me somewhere.

It has to be.

I had a beat on it –

I did.

I found a way to move through the world

gracefully.

I found, by accident,

a recipe for thinking.

I found a filter  for my thoughts

that paved the way

for peace.

I had only just learned this

fragile frame of mind

when change happened.

Change I chose.

Then frenzy tore into my mind

and emotional upheaval

took the place of serenity.

For weeks I hardly slept.

Done. That’s all done now.

I can relax.

It’s quiet and the hours are inviting but

I can’t remember how I did it.

I can’t remember how I thought.

Now I tremble, fumble, stumble

looking for that old new pattern,

tender perspectives,

sadly lost in cerebral whirlwinds.

Why did I thrust myself

through a mental meat-grinder

during a crucial moment of learning?

I believed I needed to I think.

At the time, it was all I could do.

But I regret it,

the peace I sold for bread.

HS 10.10.2016

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